Can We Try New Years Again?
by iepidemic
Summary: You make a New Years resolution but can't seem to keep it. Luckily, Jeff is there to help you start again. Warning: self-harm triggers. PLEASE REVIEW.


"What an awesome fucking start to the new year," you grumbled under your breath as you flopped face down on the bed. You groaned into the mattress out of pure frustration with yourself before interrupted by a knock on the door. "What is it?" you snapped.

"Hey… are you okay?" a voice you recognized to be Jeff's asked. He sat down beside you and rubbed his hand along the small of your back.

"I'm fucking peachy, don't worry." You made no attempt to move or mask the fact that something was bothering you. Jeff gently rolled you over onto your back and gave you a knowing look. "What is it?" you asked again.

He seemed slightly taken aback, but pressed on. "You just seemed upset today, that's all. No one should spend the first of the year feeling shitty."

Letting out a bitter laugh, you sat up. "Why would I be upset? I only fucked up my new year's resolution already, that's all." The fact that it was the first night of 2012 and you already were a screw-up just made you feel fury and defeat at the same time.

"No one really takes those things seriously though," Jeff said, trying to be encouraging. He held your hand lovingly but you pulled away. "That's not the point," you growled. He sat in silence and wiped away the angry tears in the corner of your eye.

"What was your resolution?" he asked softly. His expression told you that he was concerned, like he has been so many times before. A small, breathy chuckle escaped your lips as you thought back to when you two first met; who'd have thought that you'd be the one with issues?

However, you still weren't able to take down those last few walls that you kept up, despite how many of his he'd let down for you. "It's nothing." Jeff had helped you through a lot in the course of your relationship, and it was unfair of you to keep something like this away from him.

The annoyance that flickered across his face proved your theory. "You know that you can tell me anything. What could be so bad or embarrassing or whatever that you won't say? Can't you trust me, just a little?"

"Just leave it."

"I won't, because this is important."

"No, it isn't."

"Why won't you tell me?"

"You're pissing me off, that's why!"

"Just tell me why it made you so upset."

"Because you found me with scars and I told myself that I could do better for you!" The words tumbled from your mouth without thinking, and tears came just as quick. Jeff's mouth formed a small circle as he realized what you meant. "A-and I can't start the New Year over," you sobbed uselessly.

You felt a kiss on the top of your head and melted into your boyfriend's secure embrace around your shaking body. He hushed you quietly, whispering that it was okay into your ear. "I think they're beautiful, just like you."

This only made you cry harder because of how faithful his way of thinking was compared to yours when it came to this. "I messed up. What's the point? I can't start over again now; it's not the same. Why bother?"

"I know you can do it. If nothing else, I believe in you," he smiled as he lifted up your head, kissing you once. "Take a minute to compose yourself and then come out and join me on the couch. We'll take it easy tonight." Jeff smiled at you and you couldn't help but smile back at his true optimism.

After taking a couple deep breaths, you walked down the hall and into the bathroom to wipe off your makeup smeared cheeks. You stared into the mirror before crouching down and opening up a drawer below the sink and taking out an empty box that once held bar soap, but now contained something much less innocent.

Your breath caught as you emptied out the contents into your hand, expecting to find your trusty silver razorblade to ponder over. Much to your surprise, a folded up Post-It and a small pile of confetti came out instead. You opened it up and smiled when you read the simple note, and tossed up the confetti into the air.

"_Who says New Year's can't start over?"_


End file.
